+keep the light on in the widom for the time that i am gone

Dear loyal friends, blog-followers, family, whomsoever,
I apologize for my brief (yet I doubt torturous) silence in the blogging world. These past few weeks have made me laugh at my own inability to predict the way of the world. I figured this semester would be so low-key and easy beacause of my light class load and light leadership load. However, I forgot that between applying to graduate schools, taking the GRE, visiting graduate schools, visiting home, other fun visits, conferences, job-related busyness, friendships, being a freshmen RA, and looking for an apartment, I am quite a bit exhausted. All good exhaustion, but it happens, and I should have predicted it. Next month at this time I should be signed onto a lease, about to graduate, and planning another adventure or two. Posting more later. Of course. But for now, here are events that have happened as of late in picture form (Crush Party, Auburn University visit, Big-Little reveal, Phi Tau Semi-Formal).... and to come: AST Retreat, University of Kansas visit, and Thanksgiving!

 

+i just want you near me like you are now for good

"You have taught us that in returning and rest we shall be saved, in quietness and confidence we shall be strengthened: By Your Spirit life us to Your presence, where we may be still and know that You are God." - from The Prayer for Quiet ConfidenceIf you know me at all it is easy to know how precious my mornings are to me. This week they have transformed into even more precious with the addition of Robert Benson's words and my full attention to them. I am in the midst of one of the busiest seasons of my life and yet I am walking with Christ which might be the shakiest feeling and the sturdiest foundation... I love ironies. I felt very compelled to have my own Lord's supper this morning, and since the chapel was locked, it seemed appropriate to partake in God's great out of doors. I do not say this to brag or boast my spirituality, but because I want to encourage whoever it is that reads my blogs these days that God is God no matter where or what time of day. I sat in the middle of a dew covered patch of grass with leaves and acorns assailing my head and personally remembered why in the world I even am allowed to be alive. I have been on the verge of tears at the magnitude of that last sentence more times this week than I can count and I am blessed to be surrounded by people who support my journey with Christ and encourage me to go further and deeper."The fact remains that we are invited to forget ourselves on purprose, cast away our awful solemnity to the wind and join the general Dance." -Thomas Merton

+and when you close your tired eyes I'll meet you there

This is the beautiful (and cute) set up I walked into this Thursday morning for a semi-regular breakfast club of sorts we've been having. Who knew a hillside apartment could be made so lovely? All in the wee-hours of the morning. Homemade biscuits, eggs, bacon, cantaloupe, oj, and endless coffee. I love that time exists for this. I do not take it for granted one bit.

+confusion never stops, closing walls and ticking clocks

Oh, I had a bout of heart-sickness today. I do this from time to time - I'll be walking around my room like normal, my 13x13 plot of land I call my kitchen/bedroom/closet/study room and I'll glance at an old picture of me a friend and all the memories of the day that picture was taken rush over me. I remember the place, the time of day, what we were up to, and most importantly, the state of our friendship and our hearts.

For all the love I have of pictures, sometimes they are just down right painful. To remember how close and synced two people could be and how both of them thought it could only go deeper and deeper and yet somewhere along the lines, I was wrong...they were wrong.

To see in someone a rougher version of themselves... no they weren't as polished then. They were right out of high school, we were both lookin' rough. But our hearts were fresh, we knew what we wanted and where we wanted to end up.

And then life happened and captured us. And there is nothing scarier than to watch those close to you give up their dreams. It's the reason I am so stubborn about mine. Because it just makes me heart sick knowing that I don't think that is what's best.

But who am I to judge? I am responsible only for asking the hard questions.
I hate losing friends over hard questions.
And it happens.

+there cannot be a close second to you

Ah, what beautiful weather is finally settling into Nashville! I love how crisp it is every morning. So far I haven't gotten annoyed by goosebumps or chills. Nope, it is a welcome change and I'm happy to be where ever I find myself - whether that is in class or at work - every place seems right these days.

I also decided that real friendship is the kind that doesn't feel like work. I have spent a lot of time in high school and in college pushing and pulling and stressing over friendships and now I am starting to realize that the best friendships are the ones that just fit naturally into life. The friends who care enough to make time for me and just show up when I need it the most. When they leave a note on my desk or call me up just to see how I am doing. And those are the friends I find myself wanting to do all those things for also without any hopes of reciprocation. Those are the friends who I can rely upon. I never knew it could be so easy, though.

A very happy Thursday to all. It will be a busy one on my end, but I have a settled feeling about it all. Thank my Jesus for such a wonderful balance.

+cause nothin happens here that doesn't happen there

We made it back alive! Happily settling back into the swing of classes and work, but so happy to have been to Evansville and Bloomington and Louisville. It was been such a wonderful fall break, that's for certain! In addition to really getting know the graduate program I am looking at, I got to know the campus, the people and the atmosphere of Indiana University. Our company was the best - they made us feel so at home and I don't remember the last time I paid for a meal. I just feel blessed the more and more the days pass. Thank goodness for so many blessings. I am so grateful!

+please take a long hard look through your textbook because i'm history

I still cannot get over the idea that we decided we wanted to go to all these places in our less-than-five day fall break and how perfectly they all lined up. I am looking forward to genuine friends and family who are preparing for us as we drive to them. Even if it is rainy and gross, I have a feeling we're still going to have a wonderful time. I have an early breakfast and day with IU masters students and the chance to explore the campus and to see my old boss, Kara. It has been a while since my last road trip and I'm so ready to explore again! I will report promptly upon my return. But until then... Happy Fall Break!

"Even when we have no idea of seeking it, I think various things can make us fleetingly aware of [God's] presence - a work of art, beauty, sometimes sorrow or joy, sometimes just the quality of a moment that apparently has nothing special about it at all like the sound of water over stones in a stream or sitting alone with your feet up at the end of a hard day. What deadens us most to God's presence within us, I think, is the inner dialogue that we are continuously engaged in with ourselves, the endless chatter of human thought." -More from Buechner

+and i wish they fit into the plan

My camera has been unusually attached to my hip lately, and wonderful festively fall things have been occuring. This weekend, in addition to Disco is Dead and a coffee-shop birthday party, it has been Habitat for Humanity, Maple's Fall Festival, the Andrew Bird concert at the Ryman and a 5th floor study party. Enough to keep me busy, but enjoy the little hot chocolate-sitting-on-the-porch-with-Devon or the lunch with Taylor or the hour of reading for fun.

This semester continues to puzzle me, grow me, and stretch me. I think I have been varying between exhausted, excited, engaged, and overwhelmed. And I love it all. Thank God that life is a process and that I'll never figure it out. And I thank him deeply for friends - because we all need each other.

"To lend each other a hand when we're falling. Perhaps that's the only work that matters in the end." -from "Telling Secrets" by Buechner

+but tonight I'm on my way

I started a new blog and I'm a little insecure about it because I am afraid it is very self-exclamatory. However, it is helping my postive thinking and giving me a new outlet for creativity. It truly is a wonderful practice to take days that may not be on the surface good days and picking out those little moments during a day where I smile, breathe easier, and am thankful to be living.

So, dum dum dum... here it is..."Details of a Day"

I'm excited to see where it can go!

+star light, star bright

Picture update.... words to follow.